Why am I here?

And who the hell am I?

The essential questions we’re all plopped down into this world asking.

And by the end of day 2 at my first writing retreat, that’s what I found myself asking me again.
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​{If you missed my last email where this storyline begins, no worries! You can pick up the thread right here. Just a 4-min read.}

It started innocently enough, just questioning my sense of belonging and my value at the retreat. No biggie, right?! ;)

But as day 2 bled into day 3, my Shrimp Club cohort’s annual retreat (and I had a bloody early monthly visitor in true FML fashion), those questions shape-shifted themselves into something far bigger and more idealistic.

But not in the moony, far-away sense.

In the sense of asking myself again: what are my ideals?
What does “the ideal” look like? What does it feel like?
In a moment? A day? A cycle? A season?

What would it look and feel like after I’m gone?
(When that may be the only thread left of me for my son to pick up and follow?)

Being in a room full of people creating on their own terms in this world is soulful medicine. To feel one another. To receive reflections from those around you that you can’t get holed up on your couch in the living room at home, writing and clicking “send” or “publish” into the void.

That’s what my writing and business mentorship cohort's annual retreat was for me.

I saw, embodied, and felt in my own body the power of trust-leaning more deeply into our joys, our loves and delights — the Allness of us. And simply following our curiosity (while bringing others along with us on the journey).

I remembered how this can connect us to who we are, to our authenticity, and why that’s sooo fucking important (hint: because it's why we're here in the first place! And it connects us to our people.)

And we need that connection now more than ever.

Since I got back, so much has come up in me that I had to mind map it all to get a handle on it. I know, kind of geeky. But that’s how I work.

The thing about me is, I want shit to make sense. I’m a meaning maker. And so I was hoping that looking at a mind map of all that’s been rushing up to the surface since the retreat might help me do that.

But the thing about this particular proclivity is — it can be heady.

And while I love to geek out inside my mind (and frankly the mind of anyone who’ll let me! Usually my husband’s. Thanks babe!), staying more body-y is a direct connection to presence.

Because you don’t think your way into what’s next, you feel your way there.

So, holding those questions about my ideals along with the concept of embodying the Allness of me, what came up looks something like this:

But boils down to:

• I need to be felt and seen more in my somatic coaching work.
• I want to take the risk to collaborate more.
• When I trust-lean backwards into the Allness of me, where does that lead?

It doesn’t have to make sense yet. It just has to feel good.

What’s come up (in no particular order):

Proper tea salons with Hakomi demo sessions.

Realms!

The sensual joy of flowers at the most important moments in our lives.

A podcast idea I’ve been sitting on called Realm Walkers.

Digging out the book I started 22 years ago about my Momma while she was dying of ovarian cancer in a small-town hospital she shouldn’t have been in.

Exploring the embodiment of Hakomi principles in a 6-week group practice (in-person and online).

Educating my community more on the unconscious.

Picking back up a children’s book I started writing in 2022 during a return trip to one of my favorite haunts I’ve ever haunted, Austy (Austin, TX).

2 on 1 sessions with my husband, a Hakomi trained therapist, and I.

So, take a sec and check in with you. If you let yourself follow your curiosity…

What’s here for you right now that wants to be followed?

Not what makes sense. Not what you think you should do. Even if it feels random or a li’l out there.

And if you could pick my brain for an hour on any of it… what would you want to explore?
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​(I’m the human on the other end of this email, so just reply and let me know.)
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​※ Koa

And P.S. there were so many vibrant moments and photos captured at our retreat, that I couldn't choose just one or even a few. So, I just stole my mentor, Laura's reel so you can get a peek inside Shrimp Club on my instagram. (Make sure to turn on your volume to get a li'l blast from the past.)

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Did you get something out of this email?

A giggle. Some wisdom. Resonance. A witness. The gift of grace in simply acknowledging how absurd it is to be a human right now in a culture that offers LOTS of input but little help? Then, please share with another human who may need this too.

Thank you for reading and sharing,
​Koa